• for accosting my friend’s husband, even though it was funny.
• for free drinks.
• for having one more.
• for having any at all.
• for accosting the gays—they were just so cute!
• for flirting with the bartender because he then added too much alcohol to my drinks.
• for eating poutine; it was gross.
• for being obnoxious.

I’m officially on the wagon until September. Hold me to it. No boozahol.

Client: Oh no! Why would you go and do that?

Me: Well, I’ve done the city thing and am ready to be away from the hustle and bustle.

Client: You don’t want to do that. That would not be very fun. What about the lack of night life? And all the way up there?!

Me: Yes! I am much more of a country girl…

Client: No way. No you’re not. You want to live in the city. I mean, don’t you think you’ll be too diconnected from your local client base?

Me: [holding back annoyed face] I don’t think so. I’ve started consolidating my meetings to one day per week so that after I move I’ll come to Seattle once a week. It will be as if nothing changed.

Client: Oh, well, I guess that could work. But you really don’t want to live all the way up there.

Thought, me: OH MY GOSH. You’re right. I forgot you are me.

So I politely asked them to move their truck so that I may not be stranded and proceeded as follows:

• Moved truck to street
• Went inside
• Cringed as the jackhammer blasted my ear drums
• Comforted my freaked out Kita Bear
• Did not walk around neked
• Showered
• Took deep breaths
• Gathered all my belongings
• Got the fuck out

When will I be able to get back into my apartment? Not until 4 or 5pm. Nice. Thanks. A LOT.

[Picture: REALLY? with Seth and Amy on SNL]

Did you not think it was important to notify your tenants they would be blocked in their apartment? Really?? Or that there would be jackhammers and large dangerous machinery operating just two inches from their door? REALLY??? Or, that if they left they would not be able to come back to their apartment until evening? REALLY???

Bitch.

Yesterday I saw a friend / client of mine and realized he was in my dream the night before.

Him and a friend of his were standing on the curbside. This girl was on the sidewalk a few feet away. Trembling, she held a gun in her hand pointed at another guy on his knees in front of her. My friend and his friend were egging her on to “Do IT. DO IT.” Finally, she pulls the trigger, shooting the guy on the ground in the head. He falls to the side and my friend’s friend whips out a gun, charging at the girl and fires five rounds into her. I was back 100 yards or so, behind a parked car and saw the whole incident. I turned and started running as fast as I could, terrified they saw me.

Then I woke up.

“Oh hey friend. Good to see you. Long time… So, guess what? I feel weird seeing you because my most recent memory of you is heinous.”

The chain of events about to be revealed must remain confidential, un-judged and, most importantly, a subject of little discussion.

Tuesday of last week I went up to McBabes to hang with my friend The Realtor. That evening during our conversation, I emphasized my conservative nature and habits (or lack there of). Shortly thereafter, circa Friday night, I gave The Realtor good reason to doubt my conservative nature. For several years now, myself and a certain individual of the male gender (who shall remain nameless) have somehow maintained a strange and flirtatious friendship. Our history is littered with random bouts of snuggles and spooning, indecipherable “dates”, awkward moments, great fun and one semi-romantic, semi-awkward under-the-stars-make-out-session. There is some strange power that exists between us, be it thoughts of something greater than friendship, strong physical attraction or a combination of the two. Despite his sometimes often awkward and immature behavior, he intrigues me and always has. Recently, he has been jovial, humorous and all around enjoyable to hang out with.

With the stage set, enter boozahol. Never before has the faculty of tequila absorbed my entire being, crippling any chance of resistance or employment of better judgment. There must be some ancient Mexican mixture infused into the particles of agave. Admittedly, tequila makes me crazy. And when I say crazy, I mean crazy. As the evening wore down so did my inhibitions. It was a little wild, quite fervent and, between you and me, very fun.

Oops.

Are you wondering if I slept with him? Yes, you are. No, I did not—not even close, I might add. Do I feel bad? A little. Would I do it again? Maybe.

Goodnight Bahamas!

Craigslist Ad:

Guess I was the best offer—a sucker.

At least I helped out a young pregnant couple and made $40 in the grand scheme of things?

WOW.

I mean, WOW.

While vegging out and watching High School Musical with my beast I decided to check my email. I have two stories. I’ll start with the shorter, lighthearted one.

The man I sold my pickup to after I wrecked it, Juan, just sent me an email responding to the initial Craigslist email. “hi Erin i wonder if you like to have a dinner with me”.

HAHA. WTF?!

One: NO.

Two: HEAAEEEELLLLLLL NO.

Story number dos.

Two days ago I received a phone call from a potential client, a referral from an acquaintance. I am not necessarily friends with this acquaintance, but he’s referred a couple other potential clients (did not work out) and I appreciate him passing my name on. So this evening the potential client from two days ago emailed me back. Never in my professional life have my political beliefs or alignments come into play. I have worked with all types, literally. In no way do my political beliefs ever effect the manor in which I perform my professional duties or inhibit my abilities. If nothing else, they help me to do my job to the best of my ability. My political beliefs are derived out of my personal values and ideals. These support the way in which I interact, operate and go about my daily life.

This potential client combed through my portfolio. I recently completed a website for a client of mine who is a radio talk show host (mostly political) and happen to believe he is a really amazing man in addition to agreeing with most of what he has to say. That said, this potential client said that he realizes a client is a client but that if I align with him we should not do business together.

Whaaa?

Really? What if I did not agree with this man but simply listened to him to know more, regardless of agreement? Then what? If I respond in the way I intend to and make no political declaration or affiliation where does that leave him?

Already I do not want to work with him due to his premature presumptive prejudice against me. What if I was black? Would he work with me? What if I was Jewish? No soup for you! Red head? Too tall? Woman?! Hermaphrodite? Muslim? Slavic? Christian?

COME ON. Is this not absurd?! Basing your hiring on personal beliefs? Wow.

WOW.