Needless to say, when I arrived at the post office, my patience dwindled. While tying Kita up to the pole, I did my best to keep my cool and calm her down. Just when I thought she was calm enough for me to go inside, this man with a Great Pyrenees started toward us. He was large(r) and very tall (like owner, like dog). As soon as Kita spotted them coming she was back up on all fours, ears perked and ready to rumble (or run away). When the large couple got within earshot the man asked, “Mind if we say hello?” As kind and polite as I could I declined, explaining how she was overly anxious today and I was attempting to calm her down at the moment. Right then, another lady spotted my cutest pup and, while talking on her phone, came up to say hello. Now my patience was really being tried. She heard the last bit of what I said about not wanting the dogs to say hi and says, “Oh but I can!” as she bent down and began petting Kita, who was now all kinds of crazy, flipping around and trying to loosen my hold on her. Luckily the lady did not stay long and went inside. Meanwhile, I maintained my hold on Kita while the strange and oddly large couple just stood there. It must have been—no exaggeration—two to three minutes. The man asked again if his gargantuan dog could say hello. I replied, “No, not today, but thank you for stopping by.” He remained and added a few awkward moments later, “Well she’s just a puppy—they’re all anxious at that age.”

What?! One, no, they aren’t—it all comes back to training, which I have clearly been slacking on. Two, what part of eff off did you not understand? Just because you have a dog and I have a dog, doesn’t mean they need to meet or that I will agree for them to meet. People with two year old children don’t seek out people in public places with like-sized and aged kids just so they can sniff each other’s privates and bite one another. And certainly people with 12 year old boys don’t walk up to mom’s with year-old-babies and ask to lick face. C’mon! Get the hint ya freak bitch!

She’s a talker.

She told me all about the breed history and the lineage for the two male puppies she currently has. Their mother is a “big bitch” measuring up to 26″ at the shoulders and their father is also, quite large. A sturdy 130 lbs. and 28″ at the shoulders.

She said “big bitch” several times in the conversation and I almost lost it.

Long story shortest: I am going to fill out the application and send it back to her (assuming she got my email correct through the phone and will send it to me soon). Then I am going to go down to visit the boys this weekend (fingers crossed), only one of which I will get to even consider because a couple will be taking one of them. After that, assuming all goes well with my application, she wants to come see my place of residence and the parks I will be taking the dog to since my apartment is small and I do not have a yard. UHHHHHG they are SO snobby. Plus one for me since I am self employed and working from home. So I’ve got that going for me.

She also wants a shit-ton of money for this puppy. I’ve done my research and expected the price but am still annoyed. I offered my web services to her if she might be interested in a trade. She seemed responsive to this and currently does not have a website for her breeding. So I’ve got that going for me.

I did my best to suck up to her. I should have lied through my teeth and told her I lived in a house. Bitches and hoes. I even have access to a HUGE house with a substantial yard to take pictures of. Oh well. Blast! Hmm. I think when I go up to house sit this week at this HUGE house, I will take pictures. If I have the opportunity to be “considered” by a breederfreak again, I’ll prolly lie. I’ll do it. I don’t even care.

What difference does it make anyway? With enough love and exercise that dog will be sittin’ pretty. PLUS, I don’t even know if I’ll be here past next July. Bitches and hoes.

Which, brings me to my last note and need for advice. When I signed my lease for my apartment I signed it knowing I could have any dog I wanted and there were no restrictions on this whatsoever. Two weeks ago I emailed my landlord asking how much the pet deposit is and if there were any additional things I should know. She responded saying that I cannot have a dog larger than 70 pounds. So here’s my though: that shit ain’t in the lease and I didn’t agree to it!

Question
Please comment below for what you think I should do! Much obliged.

Do I:

1. Get what-ever-the-hell-kind-of-dog-I-want and not care because it was never in writing when I agreed to the terms of the lease?

OR

2. Get a smaller dog.

MAN, this post is riddled with pledges of dishonesty. Haha. Oops.

I am not excited. [in the most shrill voice]. HOLY SHIT I MIGHT GET A PUPPY.

Okay. Calm down people. I’m getting ahead of myself. Here’s the thing. I’ve been speaking (and by “speaking” I mean painstakingly slow emails back and forth and a very slow turn around for phone calls) with an Akita breeder. She does not have any puppies and will not be breeding this year. Haha. That’s kinda funny. I think she’s old.

Anywhoozle, she’s put me in contact with another breeder friend of hers. And get this, she has TWO “long coat” Akitas. OMG. They’re six weeks old! OMG. Okay, slow down. Here’s the deal. I gots to come up with $375 smackers for the deposit (fully refundable, thank goodness) and I am unsure how much this gal wants for her poooopies but I’m suspecting around $700. EEK. PLUS, I have to fill out some application deal. Which I’m a little nervous about. Not gonna lie. I feel like them breeder breeds are so effing stuck up, always coming up with an excuse or reason to not sell their babies.

Tangent: “How do you feel about declawing? … because I think it’s horrendous and essentially AMPUTATION. These kittens will not leave by themselves! You must take two or more.” Eff you crazy cat lady. Nobody gives a shit what YOU think when YOU are the one dropping off the cute little kittens at the shelter. Guess what? Next week, YOU HAVE NO SAY. Oh, and BTW, my sissy would love that kitty mckitterson more than some other dumb bastard. Take home two kittens or more. PA-lease. I should have responded with, “Yeah, I don’t really like their tails either. So I’d prolly just lop it off and yank out them claws too. Come to think of it, their ears are a bit too pointy…”

SO. Umm. I’ll keep you posted and leave you with this:

I will be moving in a week … going to get everything moved out by May 1st even though I have another month. I want to be fully transitioned before I go to Hawaii. This is huge people. I am super impatient but know that it will be another month or two before getting a puppy. It will certainly be after Hawaii but most likely longer. I have come to terms with the fact that there really are no free puppies. I think it is stupid to buy pets but apparently everyone thinks it smart to sell them. So, there I have it. I must fork out the dough and buy happiness. I’m willing, just not yet able. Also, I don’t like just any dog and I am not willing to get one older than a few months. I want to train it myself and want to be there for it’s beginnings! I also want a specific type. As I stated before, I would love to get a Bernese Mountain Dog or Australian Shepherd. However, the Berny is super expensivo (like $1k+) and the Aussie might not be the best fit for my yard. So I’ve been thinking about other types and love, love, LOVE the Akita. They are kind of a cross between a Husky and a bear. My kind of dog.

Please indulge below.

CAUTION: you may start to drool at the cuteness. Seattle Something and The Beast Girl are not liable for ruined keyboards.

Dear Tammy Typer’s Willy Wonka (TTWW, pronounced: tee-tee dub dub),

About a month ago Tammy and I became extremely excited because you told her she could have a puppy. We danced and sang in a glorious delight, joyous and gay. Needless to say, when this last week you revoked the privilege, going back on your word, and became an Indian Giver, we were very disappointed. Therefore, I have put together a list of 10 reasons Tammy should get a puppy.

10. They are super cute and you know you’d love it.
9. Tammy is good with doggies and will do all of the scooping of the pooping (just go with it Tammy).
8. You will have someone to run with you who won’t care how far or how fast.
7. It will add a fun and exciting element to the household.
6. They are fun to take for walks in the sunshine (summer is coming).
5. You will have someone to watch over your house when you are not home.
4. Sheila and Lass-hole will have a cousin to play with and that will be all kinds of awesome at the cabin.
3. Tammy love you long time.
2. The Beast Girl (that’s me) is getting one and you know Tammy will be jealous, complaining non-stop in your ear. You know how she gets and you don’t want her moping around.
1. Because you won’t let her have a baby.

When I get a doegie I hope to get one of these below. They are beast (both meanings … big and awesome). I shall get a male and name him Trigger. Trig for short.

Bernese Mountain Dog	Australian Shepherd