There are few words able to describe last night’s affair. Drunken might work; or, utter merriment. I will go with the latter.

This is long, but sooo worth the read.

The night started when Tammy got out of class early. “Let’s go to the fair!” she texted me. We quickly ran home to change clothes, grab cameras (both still and video), and convince our roommate Ruth to join us. That was not hard. After much disorganized preparation, we were ready. All of us needed cash, so on the way we stopped at the bank. I withdrew enough money to pay our pimp, I mean roommate, I mean landlord Ruth her cash money for rent and have enough to eat, drink and be merry at the fair. Tammy didn’t know her pin number and needed to borrow twenty bucks. Ruth obliged since she was now well endowed.

Giddy, we walked into the fair and headed straight for the local food section. I’m still not entirely sure how that was any different than any of the other foods, but it didn’t really matter—they had corn dogs. After eating a scrumptious meal, we felt quite parched. We moseyed on over to the beer garden, passing motorcycle cops (note: an important detail to come) showing off their bikes to small children. As we walked passed, we most certainly noticed that one cop in particular, had a very nice behind.

The beer garden was a strange setup. First you had to get your ID checked, which is normal. Then we had to buy tickets to buy booze. The tickets proved a complicating detail in the process of attaining beverages. Bitch beer was $6 a bottle / 2 tickets. Shit beer was $3 / 1 ticket. For some reason, breaking this down into dollars made our minds spin. We somehow managed to figure it out and all bought bitch beer.

We sat down and didn’t leave the beer garden for several hours. Ooops. We saw George W. and his trusty brother Jed. We carded boys who looked 12. We video taped ourselves talking about being at the fair, drawing attention to us. Ooops. We documented more Missoula Magic like Jed and the 12 year olds. One of the 12 year olds was named Austin. Nice boy but grew up in Juno, AK and had some issues. The only thing to do there is, “drink [raising his beer], have sex and do drugs.” Right.

Tammy and Ruth started daring me to do silly things. A.K.A. “You should totally go up to Hot Cop and ask for his number.” “No seriously, you should. Go up and tell him that your friends call him hot cop because he has a nice ass and that they want his number.” It took about 30 minutes and two bitch beers. I stood up, Tammy grabbed the camcorder, and I walked over to Hot Cop.

Me: “Hey, are you still giving rides?”

Hot Cop: “Uh, well we were just leaving. But yeah, I guess we could give you a ride.”

Me: “Oh well I don’t need a ride. I just wanted to sit on it. Are you still letting people do that?”

Hot Cop: “We were allowing little kids to do so…”

Me: “But not big kids?”

Hot Cop: “Haha, well…”

Me: “By the way, my friends think your hot and they call you hot cop and think you have a nice ass and want your number.”

Hot Cop: “Ha. Oh yeah?”

Me: “Yeah, totally.”

Hot Cop: “Where?”

Me: “In the beer garden. I’m not allowed to point.”

[the bike was not on but he was sitting on it, just slightly too far passed the door to see, he began backing up]

Me: “Beep, beep, beeeep.”

Hot Cop: “You mean right there?” pointing at Ruth who then realized I had sold her out and was PISSED.

Me: “Haha, yup. That’s one of them.”

Me: “Well, can I sit on the bike?”

Hot Cop: “Sure. Just don’t knock it over…”

Me: “Haha, okay, how do you not?”

I got on the bike, felt really awesome and then got off and shook his hand. Tammy got the whole thing on tape.

Next to the beer garden was the arena. We could hear the music coming from the Sawyer Brown concert. Earlier there had been security guards at the entrance gate but we noticed they were no where to be found. Ruth and I decided we were going to the concert. We walked over and pushed our way to the front of the crowd. We heard the last three songs, of course they were the best songs and the only songs I knew! It was awesome. We almost got tackled by these drunken people swing dancing in the packed crowd but managed to avoid them.

When we got back to the beer garden after the concert, there were a ton more people. A guy holding several lawn chairs walked passed out table, bumping Ruth in the head with one of the chairs that was red, white and blue. I quickly shouted at him, “Hey! You better watch where those things go!”

Just as quickly as I shouted he shouted back, “HEY THIS IS AMERICA! Respect the stars and stripes!”

So I yelled back, “America?! F*** yeah!”

His chair was essentially the American flag. Classic.

I’m not sure why, well yes I am, but Tammy decided that I needed to marry this guy and made me run after him. She followed close behind with the video camera. When we got up to him, he turned and started yelling about the American chair again and asked if I would like to sit in THE chair. I obliged. “Hells yes!” He struggled to open it but eventually got it to and I sat down. Tammy still filming. OUT OF NOWHERE this guy runs at me. Not kidding. Turns and sits in my lap. OMG. Funny shit. I don’t even remember what he said to me because I was laughing so hard. However, I do know he said something about how he’d been watching us with that damn video camera and wanted in on the action. I then yelled, “NEXT!” He promptly got up and his buddy runs over and sits down. WTF. I was kidding. They were serious. THEN the other guy came back and said down. I then had two guys sitting on my lap in the America chair. Wow. Total hysteria. We got up, Tammy still filming and I told the guys we were making a documentary about Missoula. I kid you not, he says, “Oh no shit! That’s awesome. ‘Round here we play slug-bug with black people. If you see a black person, you say ‘SLUG BUG!’ and punch!”

OMG.

I looked over at Tammy. She was struggling to hold the camera still as we both keeled over, not knowing how to react.

Things calmed down and we decided to walk around to go on rides. What we didn’t realize is that even though there was still 45 minutes left (fair ended at midnight), the ticket booths were closed. We had no way to buy tickets to go on any of the rides. Totally bummed, we started begging. Of course, Tammy is just about the best flirt there ever was. Side note: I actually believe that because she is married and innocently flirting, it makes her more attractive and people FLOCK to her. Resuming: Tammy managed to get us onto this ride that had double seats that go up semi-horizontal and around in a big circle. She stood back on the ground and took pictures while Ruth and I rode the ride. We did our best not to throw up (drink + spinning rides does not mix well). We succeeded…well kinda. Ruth didn’t do so well once we got home. And she was the sober one. Haha. Surry friend. After that ride we went through a bunch of obstacle house thingies. At one of them the guy was being a total ass and not letting us go through it. We had to dance to the Journey song that started and then he finally let the girls on. I stayed back to hold the fort down.

We then sang Don’t Stop Believing on our way out of the fair.

The end.

Yesterday we didn’t do much. Tammy has class this week Tuesday – Thursday. We mostly worked yesterday…not so much fun. Today I’m working (and blogging haha) until she gets out of class. I just researched horseback rides! Super great price: $60 ea for 2 hours. I’m not sure Tammy will go for it but I am really hoping so! Today we may float the river after 5 or try and go swimming.

Missoula is pretty small, which is a nice change from Seattle. I wish we didn’t have stuff going on during the day and were able to do more. Oh well. This weekend will be super fun when we go up to Glacier.

We’ve also thought about hiking the “M”, which is a big letter M up on the hill. You can hike up to that and then beyond to the top of the hill, and by hill I mean 1.5 miles to the top. However…we were told by our roomy that we have to watch out for mountain lions. SCARY! I would love to see one…from a distance. Ha. A long distance. If we do any hiking, my trusty .44 magnum Maggie will be at my side. xoxo Mags!

Alrighty. That’s it for now.

We are so excited about Montana. WHOOP! Because we’ve found two awesome peeps to house us, we will be saving about $100 each. We hope to keep costs down so that we can get matching Flips! OMG!

Isn’t it the cutest?! We’ll see how well we come out of it all, but hopefully we can get them!

Honest.

I’m giddy.

Like, just had my first kiss, giddy!

In T-minus 5 days, I’m going to Montana with my beast. w00t. We, well I, was beginning to stress. We started looking for housing so long ago and I didn’t want to pay $25 / night to stay at some place with a few amenities. TT (Tammy Typer) sent me links a couple days ago to a couple Craigslist ads. Why had we not thought of this sooner?! They sounded great. Both were similar stories: female looking for a femal roommate and rent was somewhere around $350ish. First of all, WTF am I doing living in Seattle where I pay $815 / month? Moving on. We messaged those gals, I found a couple other vacation by owner places and messaged them, then started looking through the ads on Craigslist more. I found several girls looking for roommates and decided that even though it was a shot in the dark, I’d shoot them an email to see if they’d be interested in complete strangers coming to visit for two weeks! One gal actually responded! I mean, aside from the stranger part, it’s a pretty sweet deal. She has two roommates for two weeks and gets a full months rent (which this time is about $575). Today I spoke with her on the phone. She’s really nice and sounds like fun. TT and I are super excited we finally have a SUPER cheap place to stay!

To top it all off, my dad mentioned to me that he had a friend from high school who lives in Montana. Come to find out, she and her family live right by the entrance to Glacier National Park. Fancy that! We’re going there the middle weekend and have been in touch with her. We are going to stay with her and her family for the weekend. She said she loves cooking for a crowd and won’t let us walk around gaunt! Haha. Between Missoula and Glacier there is a big lake. She told us to be sure to look for the monster. HA! Awesome. I love Nessy, our underwater ally. I told her we’d also be on the look out for Sasquatch. She then added us to the family.

BLAM!

The latest: we still haven’t found affordable housing (a.k.a. less than $20 each / night). I think we started six months ago asking around to everyone we’ve ever known if they had peeps in Missoula. Nada. Everything has turned into a dead end. However, we are hoping that something will come through last minute and we’ll be able to stay somewhere free or super cheap! Also, from multiple sources, totally unrelated, we were told that Glacier National Park is much more worth going to than Yellowstone. So, we made the executive decision to go there instead. We’ll save Yellowstone for another trip. Plus, GNP is 3 hours less drive … so we’ll have more time there and spend less on gas. Whoop!

I am SOOOO jazzersized. I can’t even tell you. I have my cute little 35 millimeter film camera my grandpa gave me that I am stoked to take awesome photos with my beast! Hopefully since she’s like SUPER profesh, she can teach me a thing or two!

mmm…butter….

mmm…milk and honey….

mmm…savory ceviche

Recently I was give $50 for helping Tammy with her father-in-law’s website. I do not believe I deserve this but she insisted I accept. It was only when she mention I could put it into a Montana Fund that I surrendered. I have been attempting to be more conscientious of saving and building up my empire. Since I’m my own boss this is super duper important. I figured her advice was good. Start saving now. A Fund for Funs.

So far Tammy has found us one sweet ass website where we will be planning our every move. There is all kinds of awesomeness going on in Missoula, since it is predominantly a college town. However, since we are smart and good peoples, we have also planned for excursions. We would like to drive the extra four hours to visit Yellowstone National Park since neither of us have been and maybe pack in another camping trip as well.

w00t.